Monday, January 19, 2009

Top Chef Drinking Game

Now that I'm in the process of moving all food related posts from my other blog to this one, I thought it would be fitting to start by reposting the most linked to post.

Originally posted on 3/18/08
I was just looking over the Top Chef blogs while eating lunch. Former contestant and now consultant Lee Anne Wong mentions a Top Chef Drinking Game, but does not explain the rules. What a tease.

Thank God for the Internets…I found this over on Mange Mes Briefs.

The Top Chef Drinking Game

The Premise:
There are two teams, although more are likely. One team are the Judges, i.e. Tom Collichio, Gale Simmons, Ted Allen and whomever the guest judge is. I am also grouping the host, Padma Lakshmi, in with this since although she’s not a judge, nor qualified to be one, she nonetheless offers up plenty of fodder for the game.

The second team are the contestants. These are the actual “chefs” in the competition. The season starts out with 15 contestants and week by week they are whittled away until the final chef remains.

The Rules: Here is where we start the game. Any alcoholic beverage could be used but for the sake of simplicity we will consider one drink to be one ounce of spirits, i.e. vodka, tequila, gin, etc… Everybody picked their sides? Okay, let’s go.

The Game:

For the Judges, take one drink …

Whenever the host, Padme, says anything that she is totally unqualified to talk about. This usually ends up being anything that comes out of her mouth so be careful here. You might want to leave this one out of the game or you could end up passing out before the first commercial break.

Whenever head judge Tom Colicchio makes a remark along the lines of “This is Top Chef not Top (whatever)”.

Whenever the guest judge happens to be a chef who’s probably not very well known outside of his cooking region. Take two drinks if he thinks he’s famous now that he’s a guest judge on Top Chef and feels the need to act like a dick.

Whenever judge Gale Simmons mentions Food and Wine magazine, her real employer.

Whenever the guest judge is Anthony Bourdain. Take one additional drink for every pithy comment he says that the other judges are merely thinking.

New one for the current season: Whenever judge Toby Young makes a requisite British Reality Show Judge insult (a la Simon Cowell or Gordon Ramsey.) See Toby Young Insult Tracker for more details.

Whenever head judge Tom Colicchio remarks about how he only cares about the food and not about whatever drama happens to be ensuing.

Whenever any judge asks a contestant what their inspiration was for the dish they’ve prepared.

Whenever Tom says "You played it safe" or "You seem to be content in the middle."

For the Contestants, take one drink …

Whenever a contestant says something along the lines of “I don’t care if others don’t like me because I’m here to compete, not make friends”.

Whenever a contestant says they should have no problem with a particular challenge because it’s in their area of expertise. Two drinks if they fail the challenge.

Whenever a contestant attributes their poor performance to being so far away from family and friends. Two drinks when the show is filmed near their home (i.e. filmed in LA and they happen to live in Santa Monica.)

Whenever a contestant expresses concern that they’ve never had experience with an ingredient or appliance that anyone who’s worked in a restaurant should know how to use… like a charcoal grill.

Whenever a contestant makes a “trio” of something. Two drinks if it’s a “duo” or “quartet”.

Whenever a contestant gets excessive with the adjectives in describing their dish. Two drinks if the adjectives sound like they came from a mid 1950’s copy of RedBook, such as “succulent”.

Whenever a contestant accuses another of stealing their ideas, style, ingredient, etc…

Whenever a contestant completely misses the entire point of the challenge. This includes, but is not limited to, the following: Serving poached lobster as your dish in a grilling challenge, creating an amuse for an entree challenge or using the featured ingredient as a garnish at best.

Whenever any plate garnish is purely decorative and inedible.

An addition of my own...Whenever a contestant utters the catch phrase of the season (i.e. "it is what it is" or "throw under the bus.")

Another addition from the comments section: The losing cheftestant saying "it was an honor to cook for you" to the judges.

For both Contestants and Judges take one drink …

Whenever the product placement reaches obscene levels. Just like including Padme in the hosts, this might be dangerous… Apply at your own risk.

Whenever all contestants express complete shock at finding out what a particular challenge will be. Two drinks if it’s completely unwarranted; “This challenge is cooking shrimp?! No!! I’ve never done that before!”

These are just the most obvious. I’m sure there will be more and we will all thank Bravo for keeping us inebriated.

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